i've bein feelin gloomy for the past few days like the sky tis evening tired of all the probs accumulated frustrations and stress. i asked myself wat more do i wan from my life. wat can i ask more n expect more. ppl leaving me is something usual n i should be used to it by now. why am i still like tis..... As day pass, i realise pat would be leavin soon. wat am i feelin? i can only say there is mixture to tat. i feel happy for her, she can pursue her dreams n live the she long for finally. sad, i don feel like losing her. it's like after she leave for sure we wont contact tat frequently alr. in poly we oso seldom meet except for duties n running. i feel lost. it's like another friend leavin me again. i know i should not say out. but the feelin is really gettin stronger n stronger, all the negative n unwanted expression haf accumulated since last week n i actually felt like breakin down. wanted to talk to zhao about it.. she was bz.. i don know who to turn to next. i cant tell pat cos she sure say i'm makin her don feel like goin away. i don wan tie her down usin tis friendship.i clearly know her dreams is more impt. even if i turn to another person, sure don understand how i feel n would ask me don think so much.. haix. how can i not.. i would ask myself back. i still rmb when i 1st saw her was when we had our 1st sparc year1 bondin games. my 1st thot was.. she's pretty, really.pat is like a beautiful rose. den i realise rose is born wid prickle tat prickes. i don dare to go near her.her quiet n serious appearance held me back. until the yongyap mountain trip tat make me n pat really know each other. i realise she's really mature. me zhao n julien enjoyed being together. do duties n play n all.. if time can reverse.. i would wan it to reverse back to last sem holiday when me n pat can hang out late workin together n all. if time can pause i wish it would pause at tat mountain climbin trip last few days at the farm. if.. if.. i should stop dreamin cos there isn't so much if.. i saw a ad which says.. : " laugh as long as you breathe, love as long as you live." so true yet difficult to fulfill. sage